No Means No

No means no, even for young children. Why is it that adults forget that children are human beings? Human beings are capable, and empowered, to say no. My biggest pet peeve is when I hear an adult tell a child, "You may not say no to me." But they can say no. And they will! I fear that teaching them that it's not okay to say no is actually setting them up to be stuck in scary situations later. Human trafficking is one example, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, there are lots of examples. What I don't want to see is a child being mistreated simply because they think they can't say no to someone in a position of authority.

Here's how I deal with no as a toddler teacher. "Oh, you're not ready for a diaper change right now. I will change Johnny and then it's your turn!" Of course I say that with a smile! When I'm done with Johnny I come back and say "It's your turn for a diaper change! Would you like to march or fly to the bathroom?" I should not have given them a chance to say no the first time, but no is not an option in the second exchange. Inevitably, no may still be the response. To this I say, "I will count to three and then I will choose for you." I always choose fly, even though it kills my poor back and shoulder, and then I fly them like a helicopter to the bathroom. This puts a smile on an unhappy toddler 98% of the time!

At home it's a little different. "L, it's time to change your diaper."

L: "No diaper change."

Me: "Yes, would you like me to change you standing or laying down."

L: Runs to the furthest point from the changing table, "Lay down."

Me: "Okay."

Now she is getting to the point where she really wants the changing mat, but not the table. So she says, "Lay down, move it," as she proceeds to take the mat off the table.

Moral of the story: There are other ways to get children to do what we want or need them to do and still allow them to be competent, independent human beings. Let's all teach children that they can say no.

#consent #toddlerhood #toddlerlife #motherhood