You know you're a toddler mama when . . .

1. Your food is regularly jacked even when the same is on your child's plate.

2. Your face is moved, by your child's hand, so that your child can sneeze directly into it.

3. Your child must puke from your arms.

4. Every trip to the bathroom includes a tiny human trying to touch everything.

5. Burps and farts are hilarious.