Facebook Memories

Facebook reminded me yesterday of a photo I shared of L one year ago. She was a chubby four month old trying to eat Aspen leaves. The photo brought back all the feelings I had that day. I felt accomplished, successful, elated that my baby stayed awake when I picked her up, and unbearably sad. I had this amazing new career that was so fulfilling but I also had the greatest love of my life playing with my mom all day and falling asleep on me as soon as we got home. How does any mom deal with that?

I couldn't and I broke less than two months later. It's amazing to me to think that one picture can bring back all those feelings.

I found happiness working with L and other babies all day! Then she grew into a crazy toddler and we are in separate rooms at school. I try not to think about the fact that I'm not with her everyday, but sometimes I am consumed by those feelings. I am lucky in that I can peek through a window and spy on her which then gives me the strength I need to get through the day.

One day I won't be able to see her through the window from my room, and I'm not looking forward to it. Everyone grows up but she will always be my baby.