Ever since L came out of the womb I have been the one to put her in bed for the night. I have rocked her, sang to her, cuddled with her, and loved her. Last night I did not. I stayed in a hotel away from home for a retreat with my professional network. I took in the silence and stillness of the room for a good half hour before I was overcome with missing my family. I called, no one answered. I called the cell phone, no one answered. I thought dad was putting L to bed so I waited, but then I was overcome with worry (not sure if that's a me thing or a mom thing). I thought about my husband in the ER with my daughter, or watching the paramedics load her into the ambulance. I called again, this time my husband's tired, quiet voice said, "I'm trying to put her to bed." Whew! I told him to call when he was done.
All this time, 14 months, I have never allowed him to put her to bed. I did not hear any protests when he answered the phone, just silence. I think L may have enjoyed daddy putting her to sleep. When my husband called back, I cried. It sounded like he genuinely enjoyed the evening and I missed it. I felt the urge to leave the hotel and go watch my baby sleep, but I stayed. I fell asleep earlier than normal, dreamed of my sweet baby girl, and woke up earlier than normal. Now I write while wondering if she's awake, wondering if she slept through the night, wondering if she feels like I ditched her. Hopefully my husband will bring her down this afternoon and spend the night with me in the hotel!